RURAL MEN AS PARTNERS AND FATHERS STUDY

Precious Greehy

RURAL MEN AS PARTNERS AND FATHERS STUDY The AIDS Foundation of South Africa (AFSA), through its Culture and Health Programme which is funded by the Royal Netherlands Embassy (RNE), commissioned a baseline study on rural men and fathers in five communities to obtain more in-depth information on the scale and scope of gender related problems that to be addressed. The study also aimed to document current attitudes, cultural practices and behaviors in relation to the problems.  For example, it has been documented that South Africa has amongst the world’s highest levels of sexual and domestic violence and an interrelated HIV and AIDS epidemic driven in significant part by gender roles that encourage men to equate manhood with dominance over women, sexual conquest and a range of risky behaviors that put men and women at risk of HIV infection. HIV and AIDS and violence against women are twin epidemics that are both driven in critical ways by social norms about gender, power, and violence. The case of KwaZulu Natal The following is a summary of findings from the community men who were part of the interviews in Umndoni Vulamehlo area and the UMkhanyakude area.  Various themes were identified from the questionnaires and the responses that were given by the interview participants. Views on Masculinity Behavioral aspects; certain personal attributes and social responsibilities were identified by the respondents as significant in order for one to be viewed as a real man in the community.  A real man was seen to demonstrate respect at three different spheres, namely: himself; members of his community and his family.  In order for a man to be respected at a family and home level, the respondents felt that he must have the ability to protect and provide for his family. They also stated that at home, a real man is a good father who provides a warm environment by showing affection to his children and is faithful to his wife.  In addition, a real man was also said to consult with his wife before making decisions and did not become ‘the bully’ of the household. At a community level, a real man was said to be trustworthy and that he demonstrates respect to his fellow community members. Some respondents felt that a real man should demonstrate leadership qualities by being a good role model to his family and by supporting and taking part in community gatherings and events. This qualified him to be a well recognized member of society.  At a personal level, the majority of the respondents felt that a real man had to have good morals; be truthful; have the ability to keep his word or promises, demonstrate kindness and have a record clear from crime. Gender Roles and Expectations, Sources of “Culture and religion teaches us the norms of behavior” Major gender roles and expectations were said to be values that were passed on from generation to generation through cultural and traditional practices, the church and the general society.  It was said that churches are largely responsible for remodeling traditional norms and values. For example, they expressed that religious values equipped one with good morals that culture tend to overlook.   Others argued that the church is responsible for the loss of cultural identity and the abandonment of certain traditional ceremonies and practices. They cited an example where nowadays women no longer knelt down when serving food to their husbands. However, some respondents felt that though culture builds one’s ethics, there are unanswered questions about its origins, especially when it came to rules on dress codes.  One respondent pointed out that when it is cold, for an example, people wore scarves. In the respondent’s opinion, this was something that was imposed by Europeans. He felt that culture had the tendency of brainwashing people’s thinking and this made it harder to explain to future generations where certain practices originated from.   In terms of religion, some respondents felt that it is a good institution which made people aware of the difference between good and evil. However, they felt that religious and cultural values are incompatible and both teach conflicting views and principles which cannot be practiced concurrently. One respondent emphasized that culture taught women everything that clashed with cultural principles.  He also added that religion was totally against appeasing ancestors but also recognized there are religions that integrate both ancestors worshipping and praying to the ‘Almighty’.  Others pointed out that according to culture, patriarchic rules dominated in the family.  They cited an example where after marriage; women are expected to abandon their own cultural practices in favor of their husbands’ culture. They added that if she is religious, she will only practice her religious ceremonies at church but will not bring those ‘foreign’ practices to the husband’s home, especially if the husband did not approve of such practices.  Additionally, it was said that religion and culture do not emphasize the same methods of raising children. For example, it was said that in churches, children are not told the truth about the origins of children and that everything is taught ‘figuratively’, whilst cultural practices emphasize on telling children that babies are bough from an airplane. Another example of disparities between both the religion and culture t was that unmarried women who get pregnant are forced by the church to quit attendance whilst the male responsible for the pregnancy is left alone. They also pointed out that in cultural practices, the lobolo payments are discounted if a woman had a child out of wedlock, however, males do not get such penalties. Other respondents felt that people should not be restricted on which cultural values or norms to adopt. They recognized that each practice, be it based on religion or cultural traditions; had faults and that people should make their own choices as to which ‘way of life’ they choose since that’s what culture was all about, a way of life! Changing Norms of Masculinity   “There are more thugs nowadays than before. It should be easy to differentiate between man and thug” The majority of the respondents believed that modern men are by far, different from traditional males.  They believe that traditional notions of masculinity have been eroded or transformed by various influences, values and norms.  These include labour and economic factors; social influences and sexual behavior. The modern day man was said to be riddled with undesirable attributes and engaged in unlawful activities which the traditional male never freely committed without the fear of punishment from the community or from his own peers. It was said by the respondents that today’s males are thugs and in their view, this did not constitute real manhood.  Others added that modern men have a tendency of dominating in sexual matters and forcing themselves onto women. However, this view was argued by some respondents as untrue and they pointed out that traditional men were the ones who never allowed women to consent when it came to sexual matters. They stated that in the olden days, sex between a wife and a husband was viewed as a ‘compulsory’ activity and was not subject to the woman’s consent or was nonnegotiable. Modern men however, are said to be more prone to understanding when a woman is not ‘in the mood’.   They also argued that traditional males negotiated marriage with the woman’s parents and entered into union without her consent. This practice is said to be nonexistent in modern day males.  One respondent added that modern men ‘capitalize’ on the needs of women. He made an example where nowadays males buy women alcoholic drinks of their choice and go to local taverns together.  However, he also added that modern males don’t stick to one partner and he recognized that this was a major problem and driver of high HIV infections. In terms of sexual partnerships, it was argued by the respondents that modern men do not know the meaning of a virgin, citing that every woman without a baby was thought to be a virgin by the modern day men. The ‘lack of virgins’ was believed to be a result of the increased pre-marital affairs and the lack of respect for the marriage institution.  One respondent emphasized this point by saying that in the olden days, It was very hard for a boy to reach out and touch a woman’s ‘private parts’ or impregnating her.  Others added that sexual affairs between men and women were very private and discreet, in the olden days. They stated that modern men are not ashamed to display their affection publicly and they felt that this was a sign of society gone wrong.  Women’s rights were said by some of the respondents to be a concern as they are seen to be the major cause of changed cultural norms and values.  They condemned mothers or women who allowed their daughters’ boyfriends into their homes and went as further as preparing meals for them and calling them ‘sons-in-law’ before the actual marriage or lobola negotiations.   One respondent expressed his displeasure by adding that women’s rights undermined men’s authority because they allow their children to do things their fathers disapproved of. This included allowing their daughters to wear pants. Others felt that children learn to disrespect their fathers because their mothers have socialized them to do so.  In terms of nurturing young men and women, the respondents felt that olden day men and women played a major role in this aspect. They cited examples were the local indunas and old men passed their knowledge to younger men and prepared them for manhood through some masculinity orientation. The Iqhikiza (old but not married women) also led similar events for women within the community. The respondents expressed disappointment in the fall of these practices and labeled modern men as failures. One responded stated that modern men send their children to multiracial schools and felt that this contributes to diminished African values and cultural practices. However, other respondents felt that it is not easy for males to play an active role in the nurturing of children because of their demanding responsibilities of bringing income, thus women were the ones who dominated in this aspect.   In many ways, modern men are said to have abandoned their culture. This was said to be most illustrated by their lack of knowledge in the various traditional ceremonies that are undertaken for various events. They also stated that modern men laugh at males who still wear traditional clothing such as ibheshu (men’s Zulu traditional attire) as it is seen as primitive clothing.  They added that in the olden days, it was common for a male to carry a stick wherever he went for protection. However, modern males are said to be puzzled by this Zulu cultural practice and they are seen as cowards who are unable to protect themselves in the face of danger.  Male Risky Behaviors “Men spread HIV because they are not satisfied by their wives; they want to get more women” Some respondents argued with the views that males are the major drivers of the HIV/AIDS pandemic.  They expressed that the responsibility of spreading HIV should not be biased towards males and believed that females were equal partners and played a major role in driving HIV infections into unprecedented levels. It was emphasized by the respondents that both men and women are responsible for multiple sexual partnerships and that it should not be seen as a ‘male only’ sexual behavior. Lack of condom use was said to be neglected by both males and females, especially when both parties were under the influence of alcohol.  One responded felt that women care very little about HIV because they don’t carry condoms or enforce condom use with their partners. He made a personal example of how in his entire life, no woman had ever initiated condom use before engaging in sex. Others added that worldwide, they have never heard of male sex workers and that this industry was largely dominated by women. Surprisingly, African women were said to be responsible for driving HIV because of their multiracial relationships and others felt that the Western scientists were responsible for creating and infecting the virus to Africans. However others strongly disagreed with the above views and argued that in the past, people got infected  and suffered similar illnesses  which were usually labeled as ‘cholera’ or  had symptoms  that were related  to HIV, even though AIDS was an unknown factor.  They pointed out that people from all racial divides, whites and Indians, were suffering from HIV just like the rest of the Africans.  Others stated that males are indeed the major culprits in acquiring or keeping multiple and concurrent sexual partnerships or being unfaithful to their spouses. They cited an example were some men in the community were still practicing polygamy in the face of the HIV epidemic, and refusing to use protection with each of their wives. The respondents recognized this cultural practice to be no longer suitable since it is not carried out appropriately, hence the notion that polygamy fuels the spread of the virus.  The majority of the respondents agreed with the above view and stated that though having one sexual partner is generally frowned upon in the society; multiple sexual partnerships can no longer be excused or taken as a sign of real manhood. Views on Gender Equality “In cultural life, Zulus know that men are always superior to women every time.  In terms of rights that have came now, we agree that we can be equal but in terms of culture men are always superior to women” Some respondents stated that the notion of equality will never work whilst others argued that in the face of economic instability, equality was the way to go due to the need for women to help contribute with household income. Those who were for equality, pointed out that the days of ‘household head’ are gone where the male as father or husband used to have the final say and the overall authority. They also added that there is nothing wrong about a working woman coming home late from work, though an explanation would be required by her husband. The respondents who were against equality of rights stated that gender equality is impractical. They argued that gender roles should remain separated because God hasn’t changed the male and female biological makeup.  Additionally, they stated that a woman’s’ role should be that of home care taker whilst the man provides economically. The woman’s responsibility should be that of informing the husband of household needs, and the males plays a role of provider. Though they recognized the need to adopt to change, they emphasized the importance of not diverting from one’s roles and expectations.  For example, one respondent stated that fetching water from the river is a woman’s duty and she has to ensure that even though she has rights as per the constitution, she fulfilled her expectations and duties of wife. He also added that cooking or making tea was his wife’s role and that when he is having  drinks with his friends, he did not expect his wife to be present as  having fun with his peers had nothing to do with her. Others jokingly stated that though there is equality of rights, women still demanded their monies at the end of each month, even though both partners work. One respondent added that his partner never brings back the change from the money she is given to purchase certain items.  In terms of cultural practices, it was said that there are duties that will always remain male only, such as slaughtering cows during ceremonies. The respondents stated that equality will only be relevant at political level or in workplaces where women are able to secure top positions; however, at home she will always be subordinate to her husband or partner.  Women Leadership “There are women leading but they don’t enjoy their rights at fullest” The majority of the respondents were positive about women as leaders within their community. They gave examples of women who were doing well as local councilors, leaders in sports such as basketball and in various community initiatives such as cooperatives. Women were recognized as major players in many job creation activities such as building constructions, gardening and establishing vegetable markets for income generation. However, some respondents felt that the majority of rural women still lack knowledge about their rights to leadership positions. On the contrary, other respondents stated that they were not aware of any women in their area who led as local councilors or held the position of headmen.  This, in their view, was an indication that women could not perform such roles. Others stated that only roles women dominated in were   secretarial jobs.  Awareness of Inequality In terms of unequal gender structures, some of the male respondents stated that they were not aware of any social or gender stratification directed towards females.  They pointed out at women’s rights as an indication that women were treated equally, both at a government level and at a community level.  Others stated that men do support their women with household chores, but only in their absence, or alternatively employ a domestic worker to help especially if the woman is employed. They stated that domestic chores and doing laundry is no man’s territory.  The respondents felt that though they understand gender equity, this did not mean gender based roles had to be shared equally as well. For example, they stated that they will not expect a woman to dig a grave when there is a funeral as it is a man’s duty. Likewise, a woman should not expect a man to wash her underwear. One respondent stated that in Zululand where he grew up and raised in the Zulu culture, though a woman can be the head of the house, she didn’t have the right to tell a man to cook for himself whilst she went to visit her friends.  However, other participants pointed out that women are never seen as equal partners with men. They emphasized that men have an urge to remain the main authority and they usually justified this by stating that God was a man.  They also added that women were largely inferior to men since the ancient days and that most men still don’t accept their equality. They also pointed out that women usually suffer lack of income even though they might be sole bread winners. Other respondents stated that nowadays, women are left to head households due to the death of a husband. This means that some women were forced to perform all the male related duties. Despite this fact females were largely marginalized by their male counterparts and are still not allowed to compete with males in terms of the household head role.  One respondent emphasized that as long as long as women have their monthly periods, men feel that they should never  stand in front of men as it is considered bad luck for men. Some respondents believed that separation of duties between the genders should be maintained and the only situation a woman can ever be equal with a male; or be a household head or perform male duties, should be due to the death of her spouse.  Allowing women to head households was seen as a lee-way for women to cheat on their husbands and allowing them to have multiple relationships.  Some respondents generally felt that equality of rights was a threat to their manhood. Challenges to Masculinity “A huge problem is that we are not finding employment; therefore we are forced to stay at home” The respondents discussed several tendencies which undermined their masculinity.  These challenges were said to be posed by various factors, i.e. political, social, economical and family.  The majority of the males felt that the greatest challenge men faced was unemployment.  Unemployment undermined the man’s role of bread winner and contributed to the loss of dignity as household head. The new order where women are allowed free access to taverns and clubs was seen as a challenge for most men since they were easily tempted to sleep around when they were drunk. Females were said to be competing with males in terms of acquiring multiple sexual partnerships and this challenges the traditional norms of having as many women as a man desires as one is likely to be infect with sexual transmitted diseases.  Women are also said to be in love with a man’s money rather than the individual. This was seen as a threat since the majority of males remain unmarried due to female transactional sexual interests.  With regards to government interventions, the respondents felt that mainstream health awareness interventions were not doing enough to reach males due to the stigmatization as the main culprits of all social ills. They also felt that health care facilities are generally friendlier to women than they are to men, and that it is not easy for males to access required medication or treatment.  This situation forces males to either take off the shelf medication or rely on traditional herbs with the hope that the illness will eventually disappear. Unemployment was said to be on the rise due to retrenchments, however, government’s child grants were said to be easily available to females. The media was said to be contributing to the negative and ill treatment of males in society.  Though they recognized that there are indeed men out there who commit horrible crimes against children and women which are largely reported in the media, they pointed out that at times women purposefully and wrongfully accuse their partners of crimes they did not commit, however these news never make it to the headlines. Gender Based Violence Tensions within a household or between partners which result in violence directed towards either party was largely condemned by the interview participants and seen as unnecessary. Amongst many other factors identified, failure to fulfill certain roles and expectations were said to spark arguments which result in physical violence by husbands against their wives.  Men are also said to be stubborn and unwilling to negotiate when it comes to the final decision on how things should be done. When certain standards as per the male’s expectation are not being met, males are said to have the tendency of taking their frustrations out on their partners in the form of physical reprimand.    Some of the respondents stated that some women are too nagging and fail to recognize their men as the final authority in the house. This usually angers the man and prompts him to silence the woman by hitting her.   Alcohol was also stated as one of the major reason for domestic violence. Unfaithfulness or suspicions of unfaithfulness were also cited. One respondent stated that when he leaves for work and returns home unexpectedly and bumps into a man in the house whom he doesn’t know, that is good enough reason for him to beat his wife. He stated that women are difficult to satisfy sexually and believes they are prone to unfaithfulness.  Another matter that was raised by the respondents was the increased economic role of women. They felt that this new order occupied a larger part of women’s lives and distracted them from giving enough attention to their men or fulfilling their traditional roles of wife.  Women’s formal employment was said by the respondents to threaten males and they believe that women’s role as bread winner contributes to them despising or betraying their men. Increased economic independence of women was said to offset infidelity on the part of the woman and cheating was seen as being disrespectful towards men and was said to be unjustifiable. Some respondents believed that women have more rights than males and these very same rights are the major contributors of disrespect and negative attitudes towards males.  Some respondents stated that women’s rights are not compatible with traditional norms and expectations of a wife. One man was quoted saying that nowadays, women exercise the right to refuse their husbands sexual pleasure, even though the man paid ‘lobola’ for her.   The same respondent added that as a result of women’s rights, husbands are expected to prepare their own meals or make their own tea. Inability to fulfill one’s role and expectations was said to be the major reason behind spousal abuse. Some of the respondents believed that males will always be heads of households and failure to recognize that and obey the men’s rule would always result in domestic unrest.  A respondent was quoted stating that hitting one’s partner has always been a solution in resolving matters and that it still works as a solution in today’s society.  He added that modern day political laws have stripped men of their rights to be respected as household heads.  He believed that men’s rights should be clearly articulated in the constitution.  Another aspect which the respondent emphasized was the need for men to have rights to lay charges against police officers who laugh at them when they come to open cases against their wives.  The majority of the respondents however, recognized that violence against women was wrong and that it was only used as a last resort.  Others stated that as far as they were concerned, there was no concrete reason why women should be beaten since the law of the country is clear on gender based violence. They added that it was not acceptable for husbands in particular, to hit their wives, or for women to slap their partners. Inner Masculinity  The majority of males said they don’t like opening up about their personal problems. In most cases men are said to keep to themselves when they are worried about an issue. This is because men are not easily trusting and think that one might share their concerns with others. Other reasons that were stated about male’s unwillingness to openly deal with problems were the issue of pride. It was said that males are afraid that their dignity might also be undermined in the process. They mentioned a misconception that a man who talks about his problems is no different to a woman, thus a real man is expected to keep things to himself.  Though the respondents recognized this to be a misconception and that it was better to speak out and let go, they strongly felt that men tend to lose their pride should news about their problems be spread around the community.  They also stated that at times there are issues which are not easy to talk about and which males prefer to keep to themselves. These issues include opening up about one’s status which usually results to stigmatization and rejection from one’s family, friends or community.    However, the majority of the respondents that were interviewed stated that they do talk to someone when they have problems. Others stated that they talk to the local reverend; other men which they trust, such as one’s brother or close friends or family members.  The reason male preferred talking to other males was that females had a tendency of spreading one’s concerns to the whole community and this usually resulted one becoming a laughing stock.  Interventions The establishment of male discussion forums or structures where men can support each other and examine challenges affecting them was largely supported by the majority of the respondents.  It was stated that the responsibility to change male attitudes towards HIV is an individual's choice, thus changing attitudes must not be seen as government’s responsibility but rather a person's desire to change.  They suggested that church structures and tribal authorities should serve as platforms for males to meet and discuss HIV issues as well as male attitudes to facilitate change. Additionally, the respondents believed that men need to have open discussions about their status with their partners before engaging in any sexual activities.  VCT and the use of condoms were also identified as major solutions for men to ensure they practiced safe sex.  Some respondents felt that men needed to be mobilized in attending HIV community gatherings; educational workshops and awareness campaigns so that they are well informed on HIV/AIDS. These interventions needed to be coupled with extensive distribution of condoms in rural areas and in taverns.  Other respondents felt that male’s infidelity and their love for multiple sexual partners was a cause for concern. Interventions targeting this sexual behavior included frequent blood testing in men and encouraging them to be faithful to their partners. Some interesting views included going back to uphold cultural and religious values which forbid pre marital sex. This group of respondents believed that if people were stopped from having sex before marriage and remained faithful to their spouses, there will be limited new infections and the war against the epidemic would be won.  IMPLEMENTING THE FINDINGS The projects selected for the RMAP&F were: Umvoti and Vulamehlo HIV and AIDS Association (UVHAA), and Amandla Amadoda (AA) from KZN; Thusanang Youth Activity and the Association for Sustainable Rural Development, from the Northern Cape and; Sophila Sonke Home Based Care, from the Eastern Cape. All of these five CBOs operate in the health care and social sector. Their main outputs were to develop and implement the culture and health project within the target populations. The CBOs were given the platform to articulate their responses to the findings from the study and to develop strategies on how they will achieve the overall culture and health programme goal. They formulated work plans which they will carry out in their unique contexts. The workplans also had to be aligned to the key performance area framework which the AFSA developed for the Rural Men as Partners and Fathers target group, as well as be aligned to the National Strategic Plan (NSP 2007 – 2011). The AFSA will provide technical and financial support to ensure the effective implementation of the programme and in achieving the overall expected goal. For further information about the findings or the rural men target group, please contact the Culture and Health Team @ 031 277 2700.